You're Only Brave if It Scares You

The other day, I went to the dentist. After getting roughly three thousand molds made of my mouth, which took over an hour, I was wanting to leave badly. My dad was there watching, and he made a remark that amused me. After the nurse had taken the last mold, he said, “You’re so brave!” To which I promptly responded, “Dad, I’m not six anymore. I’m not brave, because that didn’t scare me. Annoyed, yes. Brave, absolutely not.”

                But it got me thinking, how many times in life do we listen to the praise and admiration of others who think we’re so brave for doing something that they’re scared to do. It happens to me all the time when I come home from mission trips to third-world countries. People often remark, “Wow, you’re really brave. I could never do that.” But the thing is, I’m not brave for hopping on a plane and going to Haiti. I’m not brave for spending time working with poverty-stricken areas of Mexico. I love doing that. Those are the things I live for. They don’t scare me, they excite me.

Just because other people are scared of something doesn’t make me brave for doing it.

But I’ll tell you what does scare me. Saying goodbye, that scares me. Change? Terrifying. Letting other people down...quite possibly my biggest fear in life. And yet I don’t normally get a pat on the back when I say goodbye and manage to keep it together. I don’t usually hear anyone praise me for my bravery when I adapt to changes in my life. Because people can’t see that, or measure it, or grasp it. But to me, those are the times when I feel brave. When I look my fears in the face and win. And even more so when they knock me down and I get back up, that is when I'm being brave. Trusting God and letting other people in makes me brave. Letting go of something I thought was everything I wanted makes me brave. Finding His strength is perfect in my weakness, when I so hate being weak, that makes me brave, because that scares me. 





                So my question for you is this: What scares you? Because it is that exact same list that makes you brave. Not what you do that I think is scary. You might be in the military, and I would say that you are brave. But if it doesn’t scare you, then you aren’t brave. If you are a sports star, or an actor or musician, I would say you are brave. But if you love to perform or aren’t scared of the field or the stage, then you aren’t brave. You might be a parent, and I would tell you you're brave. But if you've been dreaming of it all your life and couldn't wait to have kids, then you're not really all that brave. 

And stop letting people tell you that you are, because you will start to believe them.



And you’ll forget what bravery really is. Because it is not facing other people’s fears, it’s facing your own.  You’ll become complacent in this image that other people have made for you, and you’ll think that you are living some great adventurous life. But you aren’t, unless your dreams or your aspirations or your job or your activities frighten you. So get out there and find something that scares you to death, and go do it. Because there is nothing quite like standing up, facing your fears, and being really, truly, honestly brave.



Slightly Mixed Up Inside: Musings and Challenges on Valentines Day

Valentines Day.

The day where dating/married people get happier, and single people get depressed. At least, that's the stereotype, and my facebook wall seems to support this quite strongly. I have seen more cynical posts about love in the past 24 hours than I would care to admit. However, the mushy, I'm-so-in-love posts are starting to get old too. But it did start me thinking, because there seems to be no middle ground in the love/hate relationship people have with this holiday.

For me, Valentines Day mostly means I feel slightly mixed up inside, because I feel the inner romantic playing tug of war with my inner cynic, and my heart is not sure yet which one wins.

This day makes me happy. Because I am privileged to get to watch some pretty incredible relationships start and grow and work. I mean, really work. I get to see love in action every day-old love, new love, love that's been through much, and love is still young-and that's pretty amazing. I get to see my parents, still obviously in love with each other after nearly 30 years, and it inspires me. I get to watch my best friend date one of the most amazing, solid guys I've ever met, and it makes me laugh at those who say you cannot know love when you are young. And even though I don't have a boyfriend, I have a whole group of amazing guy friends that make me feel loved, protected, and cared about They're awesome...and ll this makes me happy.

This day also makes me sad. Because I would be lying if I told you that I am always 100% thrilled being single. There are days, and plenty of them, where I wish I had that special someone who completed me. Where I wish to be madly, truly, deeply in love with someone amazing. And it's hard, because I have loved like that. And sometimes, you have to let go, or something doesn't work out, and you get hurt. I know that, I've been there, and today brings the memories rushing back...and all this makes me sad.

I think that's the great paradox of this day. Learning how to be happy that others have something that you wish you had yourself. But you can learn and grow in every difficult situation, so here are my challenges for you this Valentines Day:

Learn how to be happy for those who are happy.
Seriously, go tell your "taken" friends that you are so glad that they have someone who is special to them. Tell them you hope they have a great Valentines date with their significant other. Tell them your proud of them. Tell them you love them and are supporting them in this. And actually mean it.

Go rock being single.
Honestly, this one should not be that hard. Being single is so very underrated, and it can actually be a blast. Don't sit around and mope. Don't be depressed. Don't dump on all your happy friends, and don't get together and commiserate with your unhappy friends. Go out and live your life and love every second of every stage of life you're in, because time is a gift. Be happy and be full of life now, because if you're waiting for someone else to complete you, you will never be complete.

Go rock being not-single.
Ok, I already know you guys are on cloud nine today, because, as I mentioned before, I've had just about as many "my-significant-other-is-amazing" facebook status updates as I can handle for one day. But I'll give you a pass today. Go have a blast being not single. I'm so happy for you.

Remember that you are already loved more than you could ever imagine.
God is madly in love with you. Just try and fathom that thought for a moment. The Creator of the whole universe, of stars and angels and all things good, looked at you and loved you enough to die for you. And the One who made your heart knows what makes you happy and hurt and passionate and tired and excited. So let Him fill the deepest loneliness and longings as only He can, because He is love, and He can make you whole.

That's all I've got for you tonight, but hopefully it got you thinking.

 Happy Valentines Day.