"You Will Find Rest"

She stared down the little blue book from across the couch. 

The Bible. Her Bible. She knew it held the words she so desperately, desperately needed to hear. So full of hope and commands and heartbreak and victory and freedom and pain. But perhaps it was the pain that scared her. Becuase these words that so healed her soul also cut her like a knife sometimes. 

So she stared.

 She wasn’t sure if she was ready to go one more round with her emotions. She’d been through a lot lately, trying her best to drown her feelings in tears. It didn't work though, because they kept coming back to life and making a home in her heart.

So she stared. 

Finally though, faith trumped fear, desperation overcame dread, and she reached for the book. But instead of opening it, she brought it close to her face. She breathed deep the scent of ink and paper and countless early mornings. But those weren’t the scents she was looking for. She was wishing to catch a whiff of Mexican dirt, from that mission’s trip that changed her life, where everything in the world was bright and fresh and new and still okay. She longed for the aroma of spaghetti for breakfast, sweaty kiddos, and more hugs and kisses than a human deserved...that would be the smell of Haiti. She was trying her best to breathe in crunchy leaves, and snow, and capture the flag in the dark while army crawling through mud, all from the fall retreat where she still had those who mattered most to her. She breathed deep, as if with catching a hint of these smells, she could will her life back to how it was. As if she could take control and rewind back to when she was happiest. But she couldn't, and that fact was almost enough to start the tears all over again. Yet, even though all the Bible held now was precious memories that tore her heart out, it also held the words she knew would mend it.

So she read.

She remembered.

Even though the memories were like a bullet ripping through her heart, she remembered. Because when she did that, she saw her Jesus. She saw Him in the Mexican sunrise and the Haitian heat. She saw him in the laughter of the “her” children. She saw Him painted over her sorrows like graffiti on a wall. Even when her world seemed to be turning itself inside out, she still had Him. And He wouldn’t let her forget where they’d been together...and where they had yet to go.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30